The Contrast

The Contrast
Lift Big, Sing Big, Look Great Doing It.

Friday, February 14, 2014

My Girlfriend Made me Fat.

First off: LOL!

That's like saying that food made me fat. Or that god damn spoon made me fat.

Nobody makes you fat. The only things that can make you fat are medical issues causing your body to store more energy than you are burning and your behaviors.

However, since it is the day of lovers (Valentines Day), let us examine why we tend to gain weight when we get into relationships.

Warning: I'm going to be using HER a lot in the next few paragraphs, but this example could be applied to everyone. Guy, girl, gay or straight. We all do this stuff, it's basic human behavior.

So, you're single. You obsessively workout until you feel you can be at least half naked in a room with a gal with the lights partially dimmed. Then, things happen, you meet a person, develop feelings, and you've roped yourself a gal who can stand your idiotic humor and your love of opera. Suddenly you no longer feel the need to work on your body because you've achieved your goal. You got the gal, what more do you need? All of a sudden you start gaining weight...but, why???

I title this section: Fat and Happy.

Increased Food consumption:

Most relationships start out the same: Dates. You take a gal on a date, show her you can sustain her life force with the decadence of food and spirits. It gives you a reason to enjoy life with a beautiful partner and make some wonderful sensual memories. After this is the comfort food that comes with movies (theater or home), hard days at work (cookies and Mac and cheese), special treat surprises (chocolates!) Frankly, all the things that are awesome in life. A lot of relationships can often times be wrapped very closely with food.

More time with her, less time with Gym:

As a guy with an extremely obsessive streak when it comes to new passions, this one rings home. You meet someone amazing and suddenly you start cutting your workout a little short so you can meet her for lunch, you start skipping workouts to spend more time in bed together in the morning before work or school, or you plan your day around seeing her more and life (including the gym) plays second fiddle.

Being in shape for the wrong reasons:

You see all the guys around you who you think are better looking than you (regardless if its true or not, you're self conscious) and you think: I gotta step up my game so I can get chicks. You hit the weights, you watch YouTube videos, you starve yourself a bit so you can get those cuts. You're walking around with confidence, you get a girlfriend, then you stop working out and resume life like it was before the motivation. Going out to eat, eating more than 1200 calories (god forbid!), not running as much, hittin the gym maybe once a week just to do some bicep curls. Just like that, you've lost all your gains and gained all the fat.

Mini Rant Commence:

Let's get this clear: none of this is negative unless you are harboring ill feelings towards your partner due to misplaced blame. If you don't mind gaining weight and your partner is happy with who you are, then who the fuck cares. If you've found happiness, then I could not be happier for you. Having someone special in your life is important (IMO) and living your life in the body form you choose is even more important. "Oh No! Someone wonderful loves me, wants to make me delicious treats to feed me, and wants to spend every waking moment with me! What will I do???"

Mini Rant Complete:

"Solutions" (assuming you consider the above problems):

Increased Food Consumption:

I don't see how this is a problem. Food is awesome. Just playin, I get your concerns. My goal has always been to get to a place where my maintenance calories will require me to eat pancakes for breakfast, Cheeseburgers for lunch, Pizza for dinner and cookies for dessert 7 days a week. I'm obviously not there yet, but I'm not that far off. However, I understand some people's life styles require them to be really lean, I have to be on occasion as well. My best suggestion would be to adapt your diet on the days of your dates so you can enjoy a nice full meal with a beautiful lady, (not play catch up on your macros and order 2 entrees, you beast!...unless she's into that) and maybe even budget out some classy dessert with your calories (Check out my post on IIFYMs to figure out my secrets). You'll associate her with being full and happy and you'll have a wonderful evening. As far as the surprise snacks are concerned, you're just going to have to learn to say "Thank you, baby. I'll save this for later!" or "YOLO!' and pound that sucker down your gullet, you suave mother fucker.

More time with her, less time with Gym:

Alright, unless you are a professional athlete (which i'm fairly sure none of you are at this point) you don't need more than 30-45 mins of a workout a day. If you can't manage your time, your lifts, or your cardio enough to do that, you need to reevaluate your life and your methods. If you're spending excessive time in the gym, look at what you're doing. Are you doing 13 sets on just biceps? You're a fool. Go back to the drawing board. Are you busy with life? You might have to wake up an hour earlier than usual. If training is a priority, then make it work. I can't motivate you in any other way other than being an example, I refuse to shame you into working out.

Being in Shape for the wrong reasons:

If you're one of those fools that simply gets into shape just to get chicks, you need to reexamine your life. You don't need to have a chiseled six pack and 18 inch biceps to get a girlfriend who will think you're incredible and sexy. (Hell, a girl just has to be hungry to go on a date with you.) All you need is confidence and a half decent personality. However, I understand the idea behind needing to be in better shape to be more confident. This is what I mean by changing yourself for the individual and failing. If she only really cared for you because of your body, then you really should cut those ties and count your losses. But in contrast, all of a sudden stopping the behaviors that caused a girl to be attracted to you in the first place so you can become a "lazier" version of yourself is basically sending the message that you don't feel you need to impress her anymore, which may be true (I dunno, I don't know you) but insanely detrimental to that persons view of themselves. Why would you intentionally do something like that to a person you love? I can only assume you're not doing it on purpose and it stems from ignorance, which is more than fine, love makes you blind.

"Ol' Yeargain, how do you know about any of this?"

Y'all, I have lived out each of these scenarios. This may come to a surprise to some of you, but at one point of my life I was engaged. I won't go into the finer points of my relationship, but it ended a few years ago. One of the factors that came into play was the fact that when I entered the relationship, I was a regular cardio enthusiast rockin the signature "skinny fat" look, but because I wasn't secure in who I was and was uneducated with how food worked with the body, I ballooned up to almost 300lbs because I no longer was concerned with taking care of myself. The man she fell in love with was a completely different human than the one she broke up with, I had completely changed for the worse. For a while, my ignorant ass blamed her for my weight gain because she was a wonderful cook and she loved taking care of me and making me treats. But, I'm a slimmer, sexier, and wiser fellow. I'm like Gandalf the white now, and I see with clear vision that I used that as an excuse for my poor judgement and apathy towards my appearance.

Ol' Yeargain when he was sporting the skinny fat look.

Ol' Yeargain when he was sporting the fat fat look.

Unless your partner is force feeding you, you still have complete control over your diet. Your choices are still your choices. If you have to have a "Baby, I love you, but you can't be bringing me tasty treats every day" kind of talk, so be it. If they are going to be a good partner, someone suitable to be with for at least an extended period of time, they will understand and support you.

However, the reverse also applies. If you develop a relationship with a person and you both have "unhealthy" eating habits and one day you decide to change the way you eat, don't expect your partner to follow you blindly, regardless if its for their own good. If they want it, they'll join you. But, if they don't, they are more than likely going to build up resentment towards you or fall short in your eyes when they fail. If you make the meals for the family or the relationship, you can certainly control that meal they eat, but they may not enjoy it, in fact they may eat a tub of ice cream afterwards. So be it! Let them live their lives.

I don't believe domestic abuse should be tolerated in any form. If your partner is verbally abusive about your lifestyle or diet choice, you need to reevaluate the relationship and either make moves to fix these issues or end it. Do I think you should break up with your girlfriend because she won't make you fresh chocolate chip cookies anymore? Hell no. But, then again, I don't know your life and how you feel about cookies...I personally love cookies, so...Follow your heart.

In Conclusion -

If you're single now:

Be the person you want to be. Find things that you love and become wonderful at those activities. If you're willing and wanting, you will find someone who loves and respects you and your abilities. Don't shape yourself to be something somebody else wants, you'll live a very sad unfulfilled life.

If you're in a relationship:

Enjoy Valentines Day. Don't be trying to apply all of these changes today, it can wait. Have fun, enjoy your meal, your date, and the person you are with. Whatever your concerns are will gladly be there for you tomorrow. 


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