The Contrast

The Contrast
Lift Big, Sing Big, Look Great Doing It.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

No One Cares if You Succeed.

 Ooooo, look how inflammatory that title is. But, it's a little true, ain't it?

The only person that cares, and I mean really really cares about your success is you. Most of your friends will stand by you regardless if you succeed or fail, in fact they will celebrate in both. Or, more specifically, their lives will continue on as if nothing happened. Even the ones who love you more than themselves (parents, wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends) will be there for you if you fail and will comfort you.  They are a security blanket that accepts you.

The haters will hate you regardless. So, as always, fuck the haters.

Your goals are just that: YOUR goals.

In fact, there will always be more people standing in the way of your goals than people to support it. Intentionally or not.

While losing weight I was offered more treats than ever in my life (or at least it felt like it.) I politely turned all of them down, because their tasty treats did not fit into my diet and thus did not fit into my goals. Their reaction was more often than not "Awe, come on, you deserve it." or "Come on, live a little."
(Mini Rant Commence)
First of all, I hate that concept. The idea of deserving anything bugs me. The sooner you convince yourself that you don't deserve anything, the better. And not because I think that people are inherently wicked or bad, or really any kind of moral judgment towards the situation at all, It's just that entitlement is an easy trap to fall into and can be a blockade you set up for yourself on your journey towards your goals. Feeling like you "deserve" something can stifle you from growing from failure or disappointment when things don't fall in your favor.
(Mini Rant Complete)
Continuing from before, This is all well meaning. They just want you to enjoy yourself and appreciate their offerings, and in all honesty, a cookie or two here and there won't derail you from your goals. However, I didn't allow myself this luxury because I had gone through a whole life of giving myself rewards for nothing, so I made a rule for myself to not go outside of my diet. I needed to learn discipline, so I trained myself to say "No, thank you" automatically.



Some people will even find some satisfaction in you giving into temptations. (Finding it pleasurable to see you not so self righteous? Perhaps they just want to see you have the happy gleam in your eyes brought about by cookies? I dunno.) They will taunt you with food or even mock your healthy choices. A lot of you guys have specifically mentioned to me instances of this happening to you.

It's tough, there is no doubt about it. The journey would be easy if everyone made sure to not eat your favorite tasty treats around you or to not got to your favorite restaurant with all of your friends, but that's not how life goes.

I remember often feeling embarrassed when I explained to people I was on a diet.

"Embarrassed? Why?" you ask?


I've thought about this since then, and I've come up with a few things:

1.) Admitting you have a problem. 

Whenever you venture onto a diet or a fitness plan, it's more or less admitting to yourself that you have a "problem" and you're taking steps towards fixing your "problem." (The quotations mean sarcasm, and these nifty parentheses are like little asides!)

2.) Hating explaining yourself. 

I really hate explaining and defending my choices in any part of my life, especially when everyone is an expert on everything nowadays. I can't count the amount of times people were lining up to give me advice or to put down my practices, claiming they wouldn't work. (Who's laughing now?! Ol' Yeargain! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!) The worst was telling people that I didn't really drink that much anymore. It was literally easier to tell people that I had a drinking problem than telling them that I didn't consume calories after 6pm.

3.) You're worried about potential accountability. 

Telling people you're starting a diet or on a diet now leaves them to be skeptical about everything you put into your mouth. Often times saying comments like "That seems like a lot of food, are you still on your diet." or "How is that cookie going to effect your diet?" or for me specifically "Are you going to eat that? Don't you know its after 6?" (Everyone is a fuckin comedian.)

All of these messed with my head at first, but now I can look back on them and think:

1.) Being overweight is not a problem, and chosing to lose weight is not fixing a problem, it's a change you're making to better fit your goals and life, plain and simple.

2.) Unless you're a hermit, you're going to have to explain yourself in some capacity to someone along the line. Most of the time people just like to entertain themselves with conversation, and who knows, you may learn something or cause somebody to be interested in your path. Don't take just anybody's advice, though. Listen to what they have to say, take it with a grain of salt, then look it up on the internet. People unknowingly spread bull shit all the time (Like needing to eat breakfast to boost metabolism, Those FOOLS!...more on that later.)

3.) Like I said, everyone thinks they are funny. Get really good at acting, because you're just gonna have to learn how to take jokes. It's either that, become Mr. or Mrs. confrontational ("I don't think that's funny"), or learn how to dish it right back to the people that give it. It's true that some of those jokes may be ill willed, but the majority of people are just trying to be affable and creating a brother or sister type bond with you by verbally abusing you (We live in a messed up world).

And, once you reach your goals, you're still not out of the clear. You're going to face a set of entirely different obstacles...

Here's a story from Ol' Yeargain:

My weight loss surprised all of my friends. They were shocked. As they should be, it was a huge change. At face value, they were all supportive. However, I learned after the fact that some were more skeptical than they indicated at face value. The phrase: "how long will this last?" comes to mind.

Yeah, because to get where I am all I had to do was take a pill, get 8 hours of sleep and walk on the treadmill a couple of times a week. The fuck??? I changed my life. I made myself into a different person. I went from being a person I didn't like to the person I've always wanted to be. I didn't stop eating chocolate chip cookies by the box everyday just to one day say "YOLO!" and climb myself back up to a cool 260 one Twinkie at a time. At first, I was very upset, and I even thought about transforming into Mr. Confrontation, but then I had to think...

Where do comments like this stem from?

One could say jealousy, but that's a silly assumption. It could be, and if it makes you feel better to assume people pine for your results, then by all means believe it. Where this comes from is a mixture of ignorance and apathy. They don't understand what you had to give up to get where you are and frankly they don't care as much as you do. 

Let's get this straight: don't change yourself for anybody. Not a girl, boy, job, parent or friend. If you do this, I promise you will fail or feel worse when your change does nothing towards your goal. You change for you. If you want it you will find a way, and if that means sacrificing a little or a lot, so be it. Greatness and results comes to those who crave it. Be your own support system and you will gain more than just an appreciation of your appearance, you will develop a love for yourself.


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