I'll approach something with reckless abandon because that's my go to...then all of a sudden I react the way humans are supposed to.
I got to Tulsa on Tuesday to get settled in and begin rehearsals. For weeks and weeks I went about my every day without even thinking how having a complete change of routine, resources, and commitments was going to affect the very fiber of Ol' Yeargain's being. Not to mention that I was now doing something that was new and frankly, kind of scary. I'm taking big steps towards doing something I've been training to do for years now, and the reality of it is a bit overwhelming. I know it's nothing that's too big or too much for me to handle, in fact it's quite the opposite, but now all the theories and bull shit we do in school is out the window. It's put up or shut up time.
I've already let my nerves shake me once. In my coaching and in the subsequent chorus rehearsal I had note and word fumblings, getting all tongue tied over things that I've had memorized for weeks. Silly shit, really.
One of my mentors is a YouTube personality by the name of Elliott Hulse. One of the things he says a lot is "It's all about the stories you tell yourself." You can convince yourself to feel or think about any situation by giving it the guidelines, the story to play out. I used this a lot when losing weight and conquering my fears and insecurities when it came to approaching new diet and training. However, I neglected that aspect of this particular venture of mine, so without the story line set out for myself, my mind went straight to the negative. (I'm a pessimist in nature.)
So, this is me saying that I'm done with that shit. I let myself have that bull shit "I'm too scared" moment. I'm a grown ass man. I work hard for my bread and I will not let the stupidity of thought detract me from displaying it.